Afraid of the Truth

I prayed the Glorious Mysteries again tonight. The prayers of the rosary remained the same, but the words I use as aids in meditation led my mind on ever-changing paths. The Glorious Mysteries, thoughts on the unthinkable, why should I be surprised that the minutes have passed so quickly, as my mind wandered and pondered, His glory, His truth.

The First Glorious Mystery: The Resurrection from the Dead: “You knew You could do this. The guards knew it too.”

Can you imagine what the soldiers sent to guard a dead man were thinking, there in the dark of that night? Oh, I’m sure there was much bravado at the start, joking, drinking, laughing aloud and kidding one another about why they were chosen for this “difficult” assignment. “You’re such a poor example of a soldier; they wanted to see if your battle skills could subdue a dead man.” “You’re such a poor officer, that’s all they’d let you lead.” “What a sorry lot we are.” But eventually their talk quieted, and the night grew cooler, and seemed to grow darker.

They could not but know of Jesus, whose body they were guarding. Some friends or relatives must have told them of miracles they had seen, seen with their own eyes! The soldiers heard, from reliable witnesses, what Jesus could do when he was alive, ---- when he was alive, but now…? They may have heard, or been told as part of their assignment, that he said he would rise from the dead. All that he did while he was alive, and then he said …? I wonder, did they talk about those things? Were they afraid to think on the possibility --- he would rise?? I think they knew of the possibility, but tried with all their bravado to pretend they didn’t. All men act that way. We don’t want to think about truths because of what they mean about us, and for us. All truths impact us, often in very big ways. If you were the soldier, if you really thought he might rise, what would you be thinking about your duty to the captain, or your duty to HIM, a God??? What would you do if you admitted the truth you knew in the back of your mind? Truth can be a scary thing; it is often much easier to just not think on it.

I read a blog earlier today, two very intelligent men discussing back and forth the arguments of St. Thomas Aquinas and others on the proofs for the existence of God. Both men seemed to have once been atheists, who came to believe in God, and even to have converted to the Catholic faith. They reasoned and had their way graced to a belief in God, but now were debating the arguments for or against their belief journey, as if pausing to check themselves on their momentous decision, or as if knowing the truth of it and being afraid of its awesome implications, afraid of what they must do. I followed their arguments with interest, but then thought: vanity of vanities. Instead of moving on, they were like two small children afraid of the dark before them: “You go first. Noooo, YOU go first.”

“Do you think he could rise from the dead?” The guards knew it.

There are so many truths in our lives which we are afraid to admit. If we admitted to their truth, we could no longer ask ourselves: “Do you think …?” Instead, we would have to ask ourselves: “What must I do?” If we admit a truth, it inevitably means we must do something; we must act in a particular way. All our options, our “well, maybe” decisions, and all our procrastinations are gone in the face of truth.

If all human life is created by God and precious in His sight, then here is how I must treat my neighbor, EVERY neighbor. If I will eventually end in an eternity of heaven or hell, then here is how I must lead my life to enter heaven, ALL my life. If that is really Jesus on the altar at each mass, my God who created me and holds me in existence, then ….. Oh! Oh my God, I am sooo unworthy. I am sooo sorry.

We shrink from duties in our lives. We want freedoms, the ability to live our lives free as gods, where we can choose to do anything. But Jesus did not deem equality with God something to be grasped at. Rather, He emptied Himself and took the form of a slave, being born in the likeness of men. (Phil 2:6-11). Jesus came to show us the Truth, and how to act in the face of Truth. He showed us how to lovingly accept our duties in this life, which flow from that knowledge of the Truth.

The Catholic Church, indeed most Christian churches, teaches that in heaven we will be in some way united with Christ, perfected members of His Body. This is the final Glorious Mystery. We’ll know all things, as much as we want to or are capable of; we’ll know all truths --- without any doubts. If this is our destiny, even if we can only pray this is our destiny, why are we wasting our lives fearing to admit the truths of Christ’s teaching, and our responsibilities flowing from them? Why are we afraid of the admonition that He must grow, and we must diminish?

We fear admitting things are true, even when in our hearts (like the soldiers’) we know that they are true, because we fear that then there are things we must do, and ways we must live. We fear we will lose our freedoms. But vanity of vanities, we withhold our minds from assenting to truths even as we know the heaven of all Truth, the Glory of Truth, that awaits us. In our fearing truth now, even as we long for truth then, we lie to ourselves. What silly beings we are. Our lies allow us freedoms of choice, and all the choices do is make us anxious about achieving that future. I think one of the most often spoken lines in defending our fear of the truth is: “You can’t tell me what to do.” Ever said it? (We think the best defense is an offense. We’re wrong.)

Do not be anxious. You needn’t worry about your freedoms of today, for indeed it is true that: The Truth will set you free (Jn 8:32).

Glory be to God!