In God We Trust

A couple of weeks ago someone asked me to tell them my “conversion story”. They wanted to know how it came to be that I viewed God as part of my life, an important part. Many churches describe this as “when you committed your life to Christ,” or some such words. Many people have such stories, and even can remember the day or hour when it happened. That’s a good thing, and recalling it brings warm memories, because it was a good thing that happened, a great thing. It’s kind of like remembering where you first met your spouse, or saw your baby’s first smile. So a person’s “conversion story” is important to recall, but I don’t think it is the most important faith story in a person’s life.

Knowing that God is part of my life gives ME a level of confidence that I am not alone in my struggles of daily living. In the good times, but more importantly in the bad, I know that God is close to me, and I can call on Him; I can commit my life to Him. This knowledge of an intimate friend in God gives me confidence. I wrote a book review recently here and noted that this awareness of God is a good thing, and we should be re-enforcing this awareness in ourselves and in others. It is easy to lose this level of closeness in our society, where so many other things seek to intrude, to say to us: “Hey! I’m important too,” or: “This is more important NOW; focus on this thing.” And that thing demanding our attention may be as stupid as a new flavor of bubblegum.

Awareness of God in our lives is important, but perhaps even more important is the next step. Beyond a confidence that you can call on Him at any time, and that He will hear you, is a confidence that He will answer you AND you can trust His answer, even if you don’t understand it. A great step in faith is the confidence that you can trust in God. The statement, In God We Trust, on our printed money almost seems like a sacrilege, since so few people really do trust in Him. To achieve that trust is a conversion story in itself.

Although I committed to trust in God one day (in a strange country many years ago), it was almost like He had to earn that trust. I made a commitment, but I was looking for some proof. I accepted good and bad things which happened in my life equally, saying that perhaps God has good plans for the bad things, but I felt like I was in a fog wondering where those good plans were. I believed ---- but I wondered. But I can remember very clearly the day when I put my trust to the test, and God’s response.

Someone desperately needed money, and they were personally asking me, now, today, for help. I sincerely wanted to help, but I looked at my checkbook and saw a very small balance, and I had no savings. Payday was many days away. I had no money to give them. I hesitated. But then I looked at their face, and wrote out the check. I dutifully subtracted the check from my balance, writing down the new balance with brackets around it. I recall saying “Well God, this is for Your work. I trust in You.” I guess I thought that maybe some check I had written wouldn’t be cashed right away; maybe I could play the “float”. I thought that maybe it would turn out I made a math error, and I really had more money in the account than I thought. And I thought that “Well, at worst I would overdraft and pay some penalty fees or something.” I worried a bit that a check might bounce. And then I forgot about it. I really did!

When my next bank statement came, I saw that I never did go negative in my balance, no check bounced, no overdraft was issued, and no penalties were assessed. Logically, I didn’t see how that could have happened, but I chalked it up to the work of God. And when subsequent opportunities to help His children came up, I wrote checks without hesitation, and put the brackets in my total column. There were sometimes months where my total column never was without brackets, yet never did a check bounce, never did I pay any penalty fees. I haven’t balanced my checkbook in 25 years, but sometimes it seemed my checkbook balance seemed so hugely different from the bank statement totals that I arbitrarily added in a few hundred dollars here, a few hundred there. Once I added in a thousand. I don’t know how God keeps His books, or mine, but the jar has not run dry.

The reason I am thinking about these things today is that my local Catholic radio station (Ave Maria Radio) is running a fund-raising drive this week, and they are woefully behind their needs. In considering how much I could afford to give to them, I considered their need and how God has never failed me when I try to do His work, and then I made my pledge. Perhaps I will find myself running negative balances at some point to pay this new pledge; perhaps I will be taking loans. But when I look at the value of what that station produces, shows syndicated (for free) to hundreds of stations around the country, and the people who learn from them for the first time that basic conversion story: God is there for you, I realize that their work is far more important than mine. If it should be in God’s plans that at some point I should ever go bankrupt and stand in some soup kitchen line, it is far better for me to go bankrupt than that radio station.

The other day I wrote about the preacher who emphasized that we are all part of the Body of Christ, and we are all equal. Cardinal Schonborn described the words “We are all Church” as slogan of a protest movement, not a teaching of the Church. We are NOT all equal; we are all created individually and loved individually by God. We are all unique beings, with unique purposes. We are all members of the Body of Christ as unique functioning elements of it. Some saints chose martyrdom in this life, for the good of the whole Body. Perhaps some lowly insignificant part may also choose bankruptcy, for the good of the whole Body. I trust in God that this, if it is His plan, would be a good thing. I trust in God. It’s just that simple, but getting there was my REAL conversion story.

May you have peace this day, and worry a bit less. He is there beside you, and you can trust in Him.