Pregnant: My Sorrowful Journey

I began to pray the rosary, the Sorrowful Mysteries, and to meditate on the Passion of Christ. At the start, I said I was offering my prayers for an end to abortion, but then my thoughts switched back to something I had said earlier that day: “To fully understand the parables in Scripture, we must put ourselves into the position of the characters Jesus spoke of.” And so I began my rosary again, thinking not only of Jesus’ sorrowful journey, but also the sorrowful journey of the pregnant woman, the one I was praying for.

1. The Agony in the Garden
My decision is: to choose death, to begin this hard journey to please my Father. I feel so alone.
My decision is: to choose live, to accept this hard journey to please my God. I feel so alone.
I feel pain now, but worse may come.
I feel pain now; Jesus, please be with me. I am afraid.
My Father, I will choose to do your will.
My Savior, I will follow Your example. Hold my hand on this painful journey.
I had many followers, but who will follow me now?
I had many friends; I wonder what they will say?
I am resigned; I will do this, Your will.
Jesus, my sorrows are nothing compared to Yours.


2. The Scourging at the Pillar
Real pain now comes. I did not imagine it could be this bad.
The slap came from my father when I told him; mother just cried.
The lashes just continue and continue. Can I do this?
My family, my friends--- my BEST friends, they don’t understand. Can WE do this?
A rhythm develops. I can ignore this pain if I will it.
Everyone turns away. I can ignore their hurts if I will it.
By myself I would give up, but Father, I know You are there.
If I were truly alone, I could not go on, but Jesus, I feel Your strong hand.
In my agony, Father, I trust in You.
In my sorrow, my Jesus, I trust in You.


3. The Crowning of Thorns
This is a time of darkness, alone in my thoughts. I hear them laughing.
More and more, people know. They stare. I see them laughing at me.
I did so much good; many followed me; they understood.
I had so many friends; they said they like me; he said he loved me.
No followers here; only those who mock me.
The days go by alone. Friends? They no longer talk to me.
I thought I saw glory ahead; now I face death.
Life seemed so good, how did things turn so sad?
All the accomplishments, all the lauds --- gone.
I’m doing the right thing --- why does everything seem so wrong?


4. The Carrying of the Cross
I hear the noise of the crowds, but the quiet speaks louder: They don’t care.
My growing child is very visible now; all see; all point at me.
Where is Peter, my best friend? No friends are here in my hour of agony.
All those I thought I could count on, gone. The burden is heavy.
How often I fall, alone I cannot lift myself up.
All I can do is cry. But then, someone comes forward to help. Strangers care.
Simon carries some of the weight. The pain is no less, but I can go on.
Someone says they care; they’re praying for me. It is still hard, but it feels lighter.
I thank my Father for giving me friends, help for the journey.
Thank you, Jesus, I trust in You.


5. The Crucifixion
At the end, few were there, mostly just strangers.
These last months, as I face the uncertain future, I feel alone.
I think of the end, the final agonies. I will to do this for Love.
I think on the physical pain; I expect it to be bad. My will drives me onward.
Physically, I’m weaker, the mocking is louder, but my will is stronger.
I remember why I am doing this. It is not for me. This is the love You taught me.
I had doubts, but in me, never in You, Father. Never in You.
I wasn’t sure I could do this, but God and friends, new friends, give me strength.
I see the coming death; it will bring glory. I trust in You.
I see the coming life; it will bring me great Joy. My Jesus, I trust in You.