My spiritual director has often told me how blessed I am;
God has put many blessings in my life, miracles over and over again. “Why me?”
I asked him. “There is a purpose,” he
reminded me, “why God has blessed me and those around me.” And I have journaled, keeping track of those
times God blessed me, so I would never forget.
I am so happy I have those reminders when dark times come.
The blessings, the miracles, seemed to go on and on for
me. But no life is all consolations;
desolations WILL come. And in recent
weeks it seems as if years of accumulated desolations have crashed down upon me
and those around me. And life seemed
dark. Oh, there were good things that
happened, but they were like a flashlight in a dark room. You still felt the darkness.
And experiencing these times gave me a new perspective on
life.
I’ve written before, a few years ago, how God gave me
insight to understand the opportunities He gave me to do His will. I’d often said I wanted to do His will, but
they were just words. I didn’t really
have any triggers, things to make me question: “Is this Your will, Lord?” It was like I wanted to make a good meal, but
I didn’t have the recipe. And then God
showed me at least one place to find it.
God opened my eyes to stop getting angry and start
questioning Him when my will was thwarted.
In big things or in little, when what I wanted to do “my way” was
blocked, I learned to stop and ask in prayer: “What is Your will here,
Lord? Is there a reason why ‘my way’
does not seem to be Your way?” And, of
course, I didn’t always hear an answer, but my mind was open to the possibility
that in blocking my will, perhaps God was giving me an opportunity to do His
will. And one thing in particular He
helped me to understand: Every time I interact with some person, it is an
opportunity to be His presence to them.
When someone meets me on the street; when someone calls me on the phone;
when someone emails me a question; all those may be opportunities to put my
will aside, to do His. And I’ve found it
is easier to love my neighbor, even those I don’t perceive as particularly “lovable,”
when I perceive that perhaps God has put them in my path for a reason, an
opportunity for me to serve Him.
That guy who just cut me off or who didn’t signal, maybe he
is taking his wife to the hospital or going to visit her there: I shouldn’t
judge him. That stupid idea someone
proposed at work, maybe their child was sick and they couldn’t
concentrate: I don’t have to belittle his
efforts. That sudden bill or that poor
person who needs help --- but I really don’t have any extra money right now ---
I COULD help, even if I had to borrow the money and repay it later: I must never forget how blessed I am. And when I want to rant to someone about how
bad my life is going, that person I meet may need someone to listen to them;
THEY may be an opportunity for me to love, putting aside my own needs and
feelings, even when I am feeling unloved.
God gives me opportunities to love.
It’s opportunities to love, especially in those times when
we don’t feel like loving, that make us grow more like Jesus. From the cross He said: “Father, forgive
them.” Was there ever a more difficult
time to love? Was there ever a more
blessed opportunity to act as only God would?
Could I try to be that loving?
I said how many blessings I have had in my life, and how
easy it was to give thanks for miracles.
True trust in God says that every opportunity He gives us, even in dark
times, may be an opportunity for Him to work even greater miracles, in our
lives, in the lives of those He puts in our path. Real trust in God says that there is a reason
for all things, good and bad, even if we cannot understand them now.
My Jesus, I trust in
You, and I thank You for the opportunities to be who You created me to be.
On more thing: I don’t
think it was a coincidence that God put in front of me the Ignatius Press
Spring 2019 catalog, and it opened to a book I consider one of the best I have
read on this topic: Fr Robert Spitzer’s:
The Light Shines on in the Darkness.
Perhaps you might find it of benefit to read the review I wrote on it
again --- and perhaps get the book.
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