Why Am I Alive?

If you Googled that question and somehow ended up here, I guess I should tell you up front that you won’t find alcohol or drugs or any other “quick fixes” people seek here.  I mean, I don’t know you, so I can’t give you any specific answers about your life, BUT …

I DO know about life.  I KNOW that every life is important, even yours, messed up as it now seems.  “And how do you know that,” you might be asking; “You don’t know me.”  Well, how can you believe all you read in those history books or in science books?  Some things you accept as true based on the authority of the writer.  But, how can you believe the sun will rise tomorrow morning?  Perhaps it’s because you’ve seen it happen over and over again, and maybe you never even thought about it until I just asked the question, but still, you know.  You just KNOW.

I know, have seen and have thought about things happening in my life, and I’ve noticed that some of them are like that sun rising.  They are beyond my control, but I can see that they are not just happening to me, but many other people too.  Perhaps, --- even likely, I believe --- to you also.  But I can only tell you, give the examples of what is happening to me.  And then if you can see the “sunrises” in my life, perhaps you might see them in yours also.

This blog has been here for over 10 years.  I began writing it when dad and sis died within a month; I had to leave my job of 38 years, and I had to take care of mom, who had dementia.  I wouldn’t describe these events as “sunrises,” but they were definitely beyond my control!  But, because of those events --- and this blog --- I’ve seen the importance of my life, and the events which happen to it, events beyond my control.

I’ve written here of my efforts to care for mom, but also of the good ideas and advice strangers have given me.  And I’ve written how they subtly changed my life.  But I’ve also documented and seen how the woman in Iceland was able to bear up under great pressures, and the woman in Australia decided to set out on a new path, confident because of things she came to know because the words here opened her mind.  And because of words here I got to know a stranger from Tennessee, who one day wrote to me in utter fear and despair, and I was able to discover and write her children, who rescued her.  “You save my mom’s life,” they wrote in thanks.

In these past 10 years, I have influenced many lives, and they have influenced mine.  I never chose to have these events happen --- and many of the events were absolutely horrible, at the time they were happening.  I know and have lived much despair.  BUT, and this is a really key point, I CHOSE to live it.  I didn’t bury myself in a hole, alone.  I didn’t live a life of whining (well, except for perhaps a blog post or two), and I didn’t commit suicide.  I let the sun rise on me, events beyond my control, and I entered the lives of people who crossed my path, and they entered mine.  I chose to live through sorrows (and trusting in God really helped me to do that) and out of those sorrows I came to see a sun rising, in my life and in those whom God put in my path.

It happened again today.

My Saturday morning breakfast friend of 30 years or so would not make it today.  He had fallen --- again --- at home.  His Alzheimer’s was getting worse.  His wife sadly told me their children were searching for a place to take care of him, to keep him safe.  I, and people I’ve met, have lived through her despair, and I pray I offered her words of comfort.

So, I slept in today; no breakfast appointment to keep.  I woke and didn’t feel like making breakfast.  I thought of going to church to say my morning prayers, but most churches are closed this morning, or in an organized chaos as volunteers erect Easter decorations.  So, I decided to go to a nearby breakfast place, one my friend and I used to go to.  And as I drove there I thought it somewhat strange that I could suddenly recall the names of the two waitresses who used to wait on us there, years ago.

And, as I found, they still do.

“Good morning,” she said as I sat down; “How have you been?”  “God is good,” I replied.  “Well, usually,” she answered.  And, thus began my conversation with this virtual stranger that God had put in my path this day --- but at least he gave me recall of her name, to facilitate the conversation.

She told me how her sister and dad had died within six months and now she was searching for a place for mom --- like my breakfast friend’s wife was doing, and like I had done for my mom 13 years ago.  She spoke of the stress of dealing with the deaths, the pressure of finding a place, and of settling the financial affairs --- including going through their house and all the memories, in preparation for its sale.  And I could see the tears as she spoke.  I’ve seen, and shed, them many times.

I sat and read my morning prayers there in the restaurant, as she continued to fill my coffee cup, and thoughts continued to fill our minds, and conversation.  I remembered I had a copy of my Monday blog posting in the car, the posting about Notre Dame and how there are no coincidences, and how we need to trust.  I gave it to her and a copy and this blog’s address, and offered that she might gain benefit from the postings here that I had categorized as relating to “mom”.  “You’ll read about some of the difficult things I faced in caring for my mom, as you are and will, but you’ll also read about the happy times too.  There was much joy in caring for her, and in meeting the people who helped me in that care.”  She thanked me most sincerely.  After I finished reading my prayers, I told her to order me anything for breakfast, but just bring me half, “I’m not that hungry; you can have the other half.”  She brought out the exact breakfast I usually order with my Alzheimer’s friend.  We both thought it tasted exceptionally good.

My friend having to be put in a nursing home, and his wife grieving; breakfast alone, on the day after we recalled Christ’s Passion, and then re-meeting another person in despair.  A very sad day?  No, I don’t think so, for I’ve come to believe there is a reason for all such things.  Maybe some people would say “Yeh, well all those things a buck will get you a cup of coffee.”  And I’d replay: “Perhaps, but never forget that on that dollar bill are the words: In God We Trust.”

And, ---- I don’t believe in coincidences.

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In this morning’s prayers I read something attributed “From an ancient homily on Holy Saturday.”  I found the words most heartening as I read them there in the restaurant.  You can read it here: https://www.reddit.com/r/Catholicism/comments/4c2iz1/from_an_ancient_homily_on_holy_saturday/

And I also read this closing petition to my morning prayers:

Christ, Son of the Living God, through baptism we were buried with you,
risen also with you in baptism, may we walk in newness of life.

“Newness of life” I read, and I thought of the eternity He bought for us by His death, but I also though of the newness of each day of our lives.  Events happen for a reason, part of some bigger plan.  The sun will rise tomorrow.  God was, and is, and always will be with us.  We need to walk forward confidently holding His hand.  There is a reason for all the events of our lives. 

It’s why we are alive.