I was planning my monthly confession, and so arrived early at church to be the first in line. I reflected on my sins and how I might resolve to change. I thought of the people and events which had irritated me in recent weeks. I then recalled a talk which emphasized that God is Love, and when we grow irritated for any reason, it is a sign that the evil one is winning, for God is love, and in Jn 15:12 Jesus commanded us to love as He does. That love is His will, and in His timing, not mine. And I reflected that when we become irritated, we are not loving as He does.
Then the word “patience” came to my mind. I need to be more patient with those who don’t think as I do, or are not as faith-filled as I am. And then after a few minutes I began reading my morning prayers, and I read from St. Paul’s Letter to the Ephesians: “I plead with you … to live a life worthy of the calling you have received, with perfect humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another lovingly.” Reading that, I thought again, yes, I need to be more patient with people --- all are not as blessed as I am, all are not thinking as I do, yet even if they think wrongly, I am called to have patience, “bearing with one another lovingly.” Yes, I think I see what sins I must confess and how I must resolve to change. Then the morning mass began (confession was after mass). And while I sat there, suddenly I heard aloud the words I had just read, because that Letter to the Ephesians was the first reading at mass! Patience! Again! And then, an even deeper thought struck me: how patient God is with me. And that became part of my confession also, how grateful I am for God’s never-ending mercy, never-ending love. He is so patient with me. Even when I am planning for confession, I was thinking what I thought were sins, but not seriously asking the One sinned against what He thought. And so then He had to tell me, and tell me again, and TELL ME AGAIN OUT LOUD. You need more patience in dealing with others, even as I do with you!! Okay, Lord, I got it. It took a lot to get past my pride, thinking that I know it all.
But He is a patient, loving God. Oh, if I could just shut my mouth one time, stop one thought of irritation at another --- it would be a start to loving as He commanded us to love in Jn 15:12, to love with a total self-giving love, as He did. Patience is a Gift of the Holy Spirit, and it is also a major step forward in pleasing God. And even if no one else noticed how hard I had to bite my tongue, He would be pleased.
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Glancing at my last posting, I guess this one is just a follow-up. God is so patient with us when we fail. This week I made a commitment to connect a woman I know who is losing her sight and very depressed, with a man I know who had lost his sight a few years ago --- and is extremely happy. After a time, he had decided not to be depressed, but to get on with his life, and he found many resources to enable him to do that. I resolved to connect Karen with that man. And days passed, as I forgot that commitment. Then another friend texted me to ask me to pray for her friend, Karen, who was having very serious eye surgery that day. And after I got over that whack in the head from God, I texted my friend that I would pray for her Karen, and would she in return pray for the woman Karen I know who is losing her sight. And that night, I called the Karen I know and told her about my blind friend, who is extremely happy, and who once even said “I see things much better, since I lost my sight.” After a while of recalling happier times in the years we have known each other, Karen said she’d like to call my blind friend, and learn how he moved on with his life, even if sightless.
This blog’s title says it all. We need to trust, despite what seems like the world falling around us, and be patient.
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