The "Sow-ee"

I thought I was content in my knowledge and feelings about the parable of the Sower – I want to be a servant of God and sow whatever he gives me, to those whose paths I cross. I want to be his presence at my job, in my family, among my friends. You do too; we want to be “good” persons. The only difficulty which sometimes troubles me is that I sometimes perceive a lack of results. You know how it is, sometimes you want to say to God: “I do all this work, and what difference does it make?” Often the job is a pain, the family is a pain, or I want my friends to go away. But then, then… you receive that consolation; you know, kind of like hitting that good golf shot: it makes all the bad ones ok, and you want to continue playing. The good performance review (he really thinks that about me?), the “I love you so much” from your spouse or kids, or the “I really value your friendship; you understand”. And even from the stranger, the smile or the thank you. And it makes all our efforts so much easier, to continue to be that “good” person.

I was talking to Jesus after communion a few days ago, and I was asking him to help me do his will – to grab my hand and pull me along, if necessary. I want to go with him. Then I perceived a picture of his holding my hand, and what I wanted to see was him pulling me up and along with him, but what I actually saw was him putting seeds into my hand. And then I knew. I knew.

My mind flipped to some of the words I wrote above, about me wanting to sow, about me saying “I do all this work”, about me looking for feedback on MY work. And I saw the seeds in my hand, the ones he had placed there. And I knew: I was not the sower, I was but an instrument in the planting of the seed. I thought some about this insight, and then the cares of that day swept the thoughts away.

Until this morning’s gospel: The Sower and the Seed. Looking up, I smiled and said OK, perhaps I should think on this some more. And I did. Perhaps a better analogy than me being a sower, is me being an ox. The ox is a dumb animal which is used to plow the fields, making the soil ready for the seed. Besides his labor, the ox’s manure is used to make the fields fertile, anxious to receive the seed and make it grow. Hmmmm. Perhaps these words I write are just manure, the waste of my efforts which God, with the seed HE sows, can turn into fields of grain, ripe for the harvest. Perhaps I may be the ox which pulls a cart which he has filled with seed, but I am certainly not the Sower. Perhaps Sow-ee is a more appropriate word, because at best I am the receiver of his efforts, which I in my stupidity try to help along. Among our jobs, our families, our friends, we are just plow oxen of the Lord, and so there is no need to get our pride up about how good a job we are doing. Just plod ahead doing the best we can, and trust the Sower to make the results happen. And if we happen to drop a little manure along the way, that’s ok: He can make all things good.

And so you readers, those of you who would offer some vulgar comment to describe my words or their value: There! See! I agree!