It's Not About Me

Orig 06/18/08

It's cool and damp outside, and inside I am taking laxitives in preparation for some tests tomorrow. I know: Too much information! But I just want to point out that in retirement as in working as in raising a family, we all have crummy days.

However, even in the worst of days, there can be light if we but look for it. I found some light in the darkness in recent days; perhaps my light may warm you a little.

Hope you are having a good day -- and don't worry! Trust!

It's Not About Me
This note is not so much a copying of a good meditation I read, but a witness to what God has been showing me in recent days. Perhaps, in it, you’ll see something for you also.

For many years a concern of mine has been “Am I doing enough? Am I doing things right? Am I making a difference?” The words of the old soldier at the end of Saving Private Ryan kind of sum it up: “Did I earn it? Did I earn your sacrifice? Did I lead a good life?” I search for answers to that in the impacts I can see: on my family, my friends, my co-workers, my church and my company – and even in some cases on strangers. Did I/am I making a difference. Often my prayer of “My Jesus I trust in You” is not one of hope that He will help make things happen, as much as a prayer of despair that I can’t make anything happen myself – help me. This week I received some answers to my prayers.

It started last week when out of the blue the young woman behind the bar began to speak of some of her troubles to me. I offered her some of my “wisdom” and went home saying “Well God, thank you for the opportunity to serve, I leave her in your hands now”. I felt pretty satisfied. That is until I read the morning meditation the next day. Addressed to priests, teachers, and learned people, the talk I read exhorted them to be aware that God loves all his children, and that although he may have given some an abundance of wisdom, he has not forgotten his other children. He provides a degree of wisdom to ALL of us, and we need to not only pass on what we receive directly from him, but also to LISTEN to his wisdom as presented even to the most lowly of his children. We can learn from everyone, but we must listen! I thought of my conversation in the bar and the “wonderful thing” I thought I had done for someone else. The morning meditation helped me realize that although I may have indeed passed on some wisdom, I learned nothing. How prideful of me. The meditation, by Joseph Cardinal Ratzinger, now pope, gave me pause.

Of course it didn’t give me pause for long because a couple of nights later I was discussing politics with a friend and life-long Democrat (pray for him!) and I got angry at how stupid he could be, and ranted in my “wisdom” why he was wrong. In truth, I had many facts to back up my points while he had largely “feelings” about things, but I awoke the next morning and immediately remembered: I had spoken much, and listened little. I remembered the earlier meditation and, for the first time in about 30 years, sent a sincere note of apology to my friend. I felt a little humbled that it seemed that God had to slap me upside the head again. Why couldn’t I treat others, and their opinions, a little more considerately?

Last night I was in my church’s adoration chapel. When I entered there were two women there quietly praying, and I began to read my Night Prayers. My mind was wandering as I read when suddenly the quiet was broken by the soft cries of a baby, and I noticed the small cradle on the pew, and the baby’s arms reaching up to its mother. I smiled and turned back to my prayers and immediately read the following:

Unless you acquire the heart of a child, you cannot enter the kingdom of God.

Psalm 131
O Lord, my heart is not proud
Nor haughty my eyes.
I have not gone after things too great
Nor marvels beyond me.

Truly I have set my soul
In silence and peace.
As a child has rest in its mother’s arms,
Even so my soul.

O Israel, hope in the Lord
Both now and for ever.


Prayer: Lord Jesus, gentle and humble of heart, you declared that whoever receives a little child in your name receives you, and you promised your kingdom to those who are like children. Never let pride reign in our hearts, but may the Father’s compassion reward and embrace all who willingly bear your gentle yoke.


This morning’s readings included one from the book of Judges. It was about Gideon, who raised an army of 30,000 to defend Israel but was very worried about the larger army he faced. So God told him not to fear, that victory would be won, but “you’ve got too many soldiers, Gideon, send some home”. So Gideon sent home 20,000 (and I suspect worried). But God said “No, no, that’s still too many. When you win the battle people will say what a great general you are, but it is my victory, so send away more”. Finally God helped Gideon pick out what seemed to be 300 of the weakest, worst soldiers and said “There, that’s your army. Go get ‘em Tiger”. And Gideon won!!

Finally, there were these lines in this morning’s readings also: We accept good things from God; and should we not accept evil? (Job 2:10) And: Incline my heart according to your will, O God. Speed my steps along your path, according to your will, O God.

Do you see what I see in all these things? I want to do the right things with my life. I pray for wisdom to do the right things. I try to do the right things. I worry I am not doing the right things. Did you notice that all these last sentences started with “I”? The above events point out to me that my life is NOT “all about me”. I need to be open to wisdom and consolations from those around me, and perhaps even more importantly, to Trust. Even when it doesn’t seem to make sense and I’m afraid of the outcome of my actions, I need to do what I think is best and then: Trust. I’m reminded of the story of the king with no clothes, who wanted so much to be the best of everything and admired by all, but was eventually laughed at by all. He relied on his wisdom, when there were thousands of “stupid peasants” who could have advised him better.

In my dealings with my family, it is not my wisdom that will make the teenager see the truth, nor “because dad says so”. My friends won’t necessarily believe or respect my wisdom even if I back it up with 1000 facts. And this fall those “stupid” Democrats will likely win landslide victories in Washington, showing me that the majority of the country is stupid -- but I’m not. Oh really!! And my employees will argue with my ideas, and my bosses won’t accept them – and it makes me so mad. They just don’t get it.

Really?

I think I can better realize after this week, that all my concerns and worries will achieve better outcomes and cause me less stress if I can do one major, important thing: Realize I am not alone. There are many others in my life who want the same good things I want, for me and for themselves, for our country and for our God. I need to achieve as much wisdom as I can in my life, but never fail to recognize, humbly, that other people are also a source of wisdom. I need to listen. And the ultimate source of Wisdom and “The right thing to do” is God, and I need listen to Him and to trust in Him to make things right with my family, my friends, and my work. Even if it seems like the odds are against me, I need to go forth into battle as best I can, and Trust. And even if it should seem that the battle is lost, I must still trust – for the war may be won based on what I have done. Even if I don’t live to see the end of it. Trust.

Unless you acquire the heart of a child…