Live in the Moment

September was a very busy month for me.  Friends commented that the calendar on the side of my refrigerator looked a mess, with scribbles, circles and arrows everywhere.  “How can you read that,” they asked.  Many a day began hours before sunrise, and ended hours after.  Then came this last Sunday and Monday; they were clear blocks on the calendar.

I guess I didn’t think about that until late Sunday afternoon when I went to the chapel.  After my Evening Prayers, I wrote in my Examen Journal and reflected on what I had done during the day and who I had met, and I realized I had met no one.  The afternoon had felt strange, boring, and long, but I hadn’t considered it until that moment in the chapel.  Even if for only one day, I felt alone and useless.  And there in the chapel I pondered how many people live not one day, but days, months or even years feeling alone and unwanted.  It made my heart heavy.

I finished my prayers and was reading the last chapter of the book I had recently reviewed, when a young stranger entered the chapel.  He prayed a while and then began reading a book, even as I was.  I finished my reading and was packing my things when he also finished and began to leave.  And I felt an impulse to ask: “Are you searching?”  He responded he was always searching and even now was considering the seminary.  I handed him the book I had read and said: “Perhaps there is an answer here.  If nothing else, read Chapter 7.”  He thanked me and we exchanged names (which I quickly forgot), and I went home.

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Monday morning:  I thought about warming the old coffee that sat on the stove, but instead I stopped at the 7-11.  Shirley asked: “Do you have any rolls of coins at home?  I couldn’t get the safe open and I am totally out of quarters, nickels and dimes.”  I had no coins at home, but I drove down the block to the Marathon station.  It was 6AM, and the station was dark as I pulled in, but the store was lit inside.  Then the station lights went on, and as I walked up the station manager unlocked the store door.  Following him toward the register I asked: “Do you love your neighbor?” as I explained the 7-11’s plight.  I exchanged the money I had in my wallet for rolls of coins which Shirley was most glad to receive, and I proceeded to church.

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The radio spoke of all the political messages of ego-driven hate in our country.  I love the blessings of this country, but am so saddened that no one seems to respect anyone else.  Words in the news were once words said (in shame) in private.  And then at the church I read the Psalms in the Office of Readings.  They seemed to be a politician’s prayer, or one I hoped they would pray, and so I said the words for them:

            Ant. 1:  Bow down and hear me, Lord; come to my rescue.

Psalm 31: 1-17, 20-23

            In you, O Lord, I take refuge
            Let me never be put to shame.
            In your justice, set me free,
            hear me and speedily rescue me.

            Be a rock of refuge for me,
            a mighty stronghold to save me,
            for you are my rock, my stronghold.
            For your name’s sake lead me and guide me.

            Release me from the snares they have hidden
            for you are my refuge, Lord.
            Into your hands I commend my spirit.
            It is you who will redeem me, Lord.

O God of truth, you detest
those who worship false and empty gods.
As for me, I trust in the Lord:
let me be glad and rejoice in your love.

You who have seen my affliction
and taken heed of my soul’s distress,
have not handed me over to the enemy,
but set my feet at large.

Ant. 1:  Bow down and hear me, Lord; come to my rescue.

Ant. 2:  Lord, let the light of your countenance shine on your servant.

Have mercy on me, O Lord,
for I am in distress.
Tears have wasted my eyes,
my throat and my heart.

For my life is spent with sorrow
and my years with sighs.
Affliction has broken down my strength
and my bones waste away.

In the face of all my foes
I am a reproach,
an object of scorn to my neighbors
and of fear to my friends.

Those who see me in the street
run far away from me.
I am like a dead man, forgotten,
like a thing thrown away.

I have heard the slander of the crowd,
fear is all around me,
as they plot together against me,
as they plan to take my life.

But as for me, I trust in you, Lord.
I say: “You are my God.
My life is in your hands, deliver me
from the hands of those who hate me.

Let your face shine on your servant.
Save me in your love.”

Ant. 2:  Lord, let the light of your countenance shine on your servant.

Ant. 3: Blessed be the Lord, for he has poured out his mercy on me.

How great is the goodness, Lord,
that you keep for those who fear you,
that you show to those who trust in you
in the sight of men.

You hide them in the shelter of your presence
from the plotting of men:
you keep them safe within your tent
from disputing tongues.

Blessed be the Lord who has shown me
the wonders of his love
in a fortified city.

“I am far removed from your sight,”
I said in my alarm.
Yet you heard the voice of my plea
when I cried for help.

Love the Lord, all you saints.
He guards his faithful
but the Lord will repay to the full
those who act with pride.

Be strong, let your heart take courage,
all who hope in the Lord.

Psalm-prayer

God of kindness and truth, you saved your Chosen One, Jesus Christ, and you gave your martyrs strength.  Watch over your people who come to you here and strengthen the hearts of those who hope in you, that they may proclaim your saving acts of kindness in the eternal city.

Ant. 3:  Blessed be the Lord, for he has poured out his mercy upon me.

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The processional hymn began the morning’s mass, and the few people present sang it with heart.  It is a hymn in our local hymnal, written by our local sisters.  The words soothed my heavy heart:

God Alone

God alone!  God alone!

In Your courts, O my Lord, is my home!
You are my treasure, my portion, delight of my soul!

My life, my salvation, my fortress
My God and my all!

O my soul, claim nothing as your own!
For you, there is God, and God alone!

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Later, the Gospel continued God’s words to me.  “Anyone who welcomes the little child in My Name welcomes Me, and anyone who welcomes Me welcomes the One Who sent Me.  For the least among you all is the one who is great.”

Fr. Paul’s short homily echoed the call for humility as a pre-requisite for heaven.  We don’t get there for all we do in this life, but how we live this life.  God loves the small sleeping child even more than the one rushing around always busy trying to please Him.

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There was nothing on my calendar for me to do this last Sunday and Monday, but God put a stranger in my life who asked nothing of me, so I gave him something.  He put another who asked only a minor inconvenience.  He spoke words in His Psalms to alleviate my unsaid concerns, and summarized what is important in my life.  Doing nothing on Sunday and Monday?  It’s like the book I just read (and gave away) where it counseled to not worry about the past or the future.  “Look around; live in the moment.  See, God is there.”

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I finished writing these words in the chapel late Monday night.  I had twenty minutes or so left, so I began reading a new book, The Day is Now Far Spent, by Cardinal Sarah.  I only read the intro 10 pages, but the people who arrived at the chapel commented: “Wow, we heard a lot of heavy sighs over there.”  Yes, this is a VERY good book.  Even if every Catholic only read those first 10 pages, it would be time very well spent.  Every religious person on my Christmas list will get this one.  It was only twenty minutes that I read, but “God was there, in the moment.”