If You Only Knew ...

While I had written (in my post: Leaving or Leading) about my concerns over those leaving the Church, their mis-understandings and my possible role, I think a more general evaluation of change needs consideration.

A stranger spoke to me recently about his justification for a career change: “If you only knew how the executives at my prior employer treated us, they gave us so much work, expecting us to put in long hours, even as they went home. They required us to disregard our family as we sought answers to their whimsical questions, and then they often dismissed the results of our long labors with a ‘Hmmm, that’s interesting.’ If you only knew how poorly they managed people and the company ….” The implications in his statements were that “if I only knew” I’d agree with his evaluations and join in his condemnations. I’d agree that he should leave that “horrible place.”

If you only knew …

Of the people leaving the Catholic Church, I believe many of them are also saying “If you only knew ….” A few months back I wrote about a teenager who left his family and lived with me for a year. Relative to his father’s behavior he said: “If you only knew ….” I guess I’ve heard (and said) those words many times in the past, and now I realize how easily people say them about FACTS they don’t like, and therefore believe are wrong. “I don’t like this teaching of the Church; it must be wrong.” “I don’t like that policy of the company or some of its managers; they must be wrong.” “I don’t like the rules my parents laid down; they must be wrong.” And as we hear so often today, “I don’t like that political party’s agenda item; they must be wrong.”

If you only knew …

One thing that I do know is that I’ve written about “facts” like these, and our disagreement with them, quite a number of times in the past. And what I’ve generally concluded is that often our interpretation of “facts” ASSUMES that our interpretations are correct, and are the only possible ones, ergo: “They are wrong.” If they only knew ….

In this area our pride seems most often to lead us astray, or at least me. My mouth kicks in before my brain does, but whenever a great number of people, whenever a well-established organization, or whenever a long-standing rule or virtue appears wrong to us, we should be most hesitant to say “they are wrong.” We should stop ourselves and reflect: “Perhaps, I am the one wrong.” It takes a great deal of humility to do this. It also takes a great deal of faith in God. If we see a great many people wrong and us right, we need to talk to God, kind of as a referee on the question. Perhaps like a referee He sees things from a different angle: “Lord, do You have a knowledge more than mine? Are the ‘facts’ I see the facts You see? Do You have an agenda bigger than mine? Could You be using these “wrong” people for a bigger purpose? Dear Lord, could I be wrong, or if not wrong about the facts I see, instead be blind to seeing ALL the facts?”

While prayer, perhaps similar to the words I just wrote, should enter our heart before our great ego and pride does, a desire to learn more should also enter our heart. Before we would criticize or leave the Church, the organization we work for, the family, or even the large political party, we should humbly ask ourselves, and God, “Can all these people in these large groups be wrong, and I right?”

“Facts” describe physical, measureable things; they are verified by science. “Why” the facts exist, however, goes beyond their physical being. Perhaps our knowledge shortfall is not in missing some facts, but in not understanding why some facts we see are important, or what they imply. We need to understand “why” the other organizations or other people conclude different things than us despite seeing the same facts.

Disagreeing with facts or someone else’s interpretation of them can result in our leaving and going elsewhere, but if we can understand WHY they interpret the facts differently, if we can truly LEARN their point of view, their “why”, then we have a basis for mutual understanding, a point from which we can possibly lead them to the whole truth – or perhaps lead ourselves there.

All the great evangelists and leaders of history knew the importance of this rule: “Know your enemy.” Pointing and saying “they’re wrong” will result in few following you. Learning and then leaving, and explaining to others why you are leaving, may result in you leading many to the truth you have found and been able to explain.

“If you only knew ….” Yes, you should know. But before saying things as if you are a know it all, try learning some more. I for one am convinced that with knowledge comes truth, and I greatly desire it. But first I’ve got to be willing to admit that I don’t already know it all. Unfortunately, it’s hard to be that humble. If you only knew ….