When You Fail

When I think of my sins, I most often think of specific things I chose to do. I erred in a choice today; I did wrong yesterday; and I remember how I hurt someone deeply 10 years ago, when I sinned. For some of us, however, there comes a time when we realize we’ve been sinning, and we’ve erred not one time but our whole life. We’ve lived a lie, and now we realize the awful truth: we’ve failed in how we’ve treated others, or ourselves, or perhaps even God, our whole lives --- and now we know it.

At one time scientists believed the earth was flat. What must they have felt when the truth became known, those who taught in universities and built their prestige on their scientific knowledge. They were respected for 60 or 70 years of their lives --- and now they were proved wrong. And what of the early pyramid builders, who convinced pharaoh to dedicate thousands of slaves and years to construct something which ultimately proved too heavy for the sand on which it stood, and in the end it was not as they expected. I don’t think those scientists and builders just said “Oops”. No, they were crushed, crushed with their failure that the whole world knew, and saw no one to blame but themselves.

Tonight I heard a radio talk show host give advice to two people, one a newly-married person, and one a young teen. The callers described actions of a spouse and a friend that the host, based on her knowledge of human behavior, said was abnormal or wrong. She advised both to leave their relationships. I understood her advice; the one to be left had some ingrained behavior which was wrong, and it would be very difficult to change. If you wanted happiness, she said, acknowledge that fact now and leave. But then I thought: But what about those left; what about their happiness? What about them realizing and changing the error of their ways, however difficult? Are they hopeless? It might seem so.

Certainly some scientists, when challenged with the earth being flat, could not accept the truth; they could not change their beliefs of a lifetime. Some, like the failed pyramid builder saw most clearly their errors, and did force themselves to confront their mistakes, but how? How do you unlearn a lifetime of belief, a lifetime of building more erroneous assumptions on top of the first error? I think the ones that survived did what the pyramid builder did: he admitted the now obvious error of his ways, left the mis-built pyramid as it was, and started a new one --- on a better foundation.

Many of us have realized big failures in life, errors of a lifetime: We were the reason our marriage failed. We were taught a false value system. We didn’t know how to properly raise our children. We were taught the Catholic Church was evil. We didn’t know how to love, or even what love truly meant. We thought we were following God, but realized we were only following ourselves. Blessed are they who will see the face of God; we looked into the mirror and saw ourselves. We lived our life based on a truth we were confident of, and suddenly we found the real truth, and faced facts we didn’t want to believe: we were wrong. Our truth was a lie. We failed. We now truly know what the phrase: “and the truth hurts” really means.

If we are wise enough to see a big lie in our life, what should we do? I’ve seen what many people do. Some, like the old university scientists can’t admit their failure and the loss of prestige: they continue on and argue against what they know is the truth. Others hide from the truth in drugs, drink, or even a monastery. But some, surely not enough, but some go back to a sounder foundation and start to build again. They can’t change or worry about the past, it is passed, but they work to change the future.

I think the AA programs have nailed down the way to survive a life-long failure, and show how to rebuild on a stronger foundation and start again. It is a tough road to travel, but it shows happiness at the end. God is a big part of traveling down that road.

No life is without difficulties. No life is without some failures. No life is without sin. No life will get to that happiness at the end of the road without God. I’m very blessed to have had a good foundation in my life, early in my life. When I later went off and built my own faulty pyramids and they crashed to the ground, I found I could go back to that foundation and start again. For me, my foundation was in the teachings of the Catholic Church, although in my youth I didn’t understand the importance of what I had.

If you find you need to build a new foundation, my friends, I will tell you with confidence that it is never too late. Public sinners, leaders of other faiths, and very well-known atheists have found their way to the truths of the Catholic Church. And they found peace and happiness at the end of their lives. I believe the Church to be the sturdy foundation, a road most direct to heaven, but as I have written here before, there are other roads to get there. What is important is to get started.

No matter how big your failure, no matter how big your lie, no matter how big your sin, you can always re-build your life on a good foundation, and it’s never too late. Do not despair; do not be anxious.

My friends, I won’t leave you as the radio host advised. I’ll give you all the brick and mortar I have, and stay to help you begin to build again. I am no master architect, but I now firmly know this truth: it’s never too late. The biggest failure in this life is just an error; there can be even bigger successes, bigger happiness, if you just start to find it. Come on, let’s go. We’ve got to start somewhere.

Peace.