Transitions

All life is a journey. Along the way we are called to “grow in holiness”, a simple summary of how to lead a good life and ensure that we reach our desired destination. But while our whole life is a transition phase of our being, from earthly being to eternal being, there are many sub-transitions along the way, and many of these are extremely critical, especially as we grow older.

Much of our life seems to be routine, perhaps almost boring. On our life’s trip, it’s as if we are on a long stretch of straight highway, the scenery passes by almost unnoticed by us. We’re alert to prevent accidents as we drive along, but they seem unlikely. We almost seem alone in our travels and our musings; we forget about all the other cars on the road. But although much of it may seem a bore, all life is not straight highways. If we are to get to our destination we have to pay attention for the turns we must make to stay on our route, and especially those unplanned turns caused by detours or accidents. These turns, these transitions in our journey, require our attention, and perhaps help of a neighbor.

If we are early in our journey, young in our life, most turns we make are minor ones, relative to their impact. If our journey is due West for thousands of miles, a turn might veer us North or South for a few degrees or a few miles, but we are still headed generally West, and we can make other mid-course corrections as we go. As we near our destination however, as we are older in our life, the turns become more critical. What might have impacted our direction early only a few degrees now becomes a ninety degree turn North or South, and if we are not careful we might miss our destination completely. We might get lost.

I have a friend who faced imminent death; another who faces her parent’s transition from independence to needing care, and another who faces a career change late in life. They all face important transition points. The one facing death was prepared and ready for that transition; she knew it was coming and she would not get lost. The one facing a parent’s increasing dependency is scared; something as inevitable as death in a loved one she had not wanted to face, had not wanted to plan, as if by ignoring the future it might not happen. She is facing many difficult decisions, and they must be made rapidly; her failure to plan for the transition has put her at peril that she may make mistakes at this transition in her and her parent’s life. The friend who is facing the sudden career change could not likely see the transition in her life coming; most people in her situation would not.

The thing which distinguishes the three situations I described is the level of preparedness for a future transition. Every life will have transitions, but we so often ignore their possibility, and make believe they won’t happen, even the inevitable ones like death. Some people prepare financially for these events and think they are prepared, but when the events occur they are greatly stricken, moved to tears, or moved to scared inaction just when confident actions are most needed. Confidence financially is no substitute for confidence spiritually.

Of course, spiritual confidence comes like any other confidence, with practice. If you haven’t really prayed for years, praying at a time of crisis often does not give you peace -- it’s a grasping at straws, hoping this one will work, but you are not at all confident it will. How can that give you peace? Most of my friends have God as a significant portion of their lives; He and they are not strangers. While THEY don’t know what to do when sudden turns come in their lives, they have confidence that HE does, and so they turn with confidence to prayer for guidance and peace. They make the hard decisions not with trepidation, but with confidence that the best outcome will occur, even if it seems the worst, even death. We all need to be putting ourselves in this state of confidence, my friends. I pray: “My Jesus, I Trust in You,” and I mean it. Others pray: “Thy will be done,” and perhaps have a bit less trust, but nonetheless find peace.

A crucial question is: “What if someone has not prepared? What if they are not ready a sudden change in their life? What if it happens anyway?” And perhaps sadly, “What if, because of their age and mental or physical infirmities, they cannot do anything, if they cannot make the hard decisions which must be made?”

Well, certainly turning to God, even in desperation, is never a bad thing. If we can bring themselves to get down on our knees, I am sure that God will hear our prayers (although, perhaps, He might ask: “Um, what did you say your name was again?”). But since spiritually unprepared ones are not used to conversations with God, they might not understand His reply; or they might not react with confidence in receiving His consolations. Or, perhaps, in their age-related infirmities, they might not be able to act. What then? Then I believe, my friends, is when OUR prayers are answered, our prayers of: “Make me an instrument of Your peace.” That is when we, as friends, can best act as true friends, praying with our family, praying with our friends, and showing our love for them – or if we are the ones needing consolations, accepting their love. And even if no consolations are felt from their prayers, or from ours, then just holding their hands, just being there with them in their trials and sorrows will be a source of consolation.

This is part of the commandment to “Love you neighbor” that we so often forget. So often love is shown by just being there. “A friend in need is a friend indeed (in deed),” from both of their points of view.

A friend isn’t dismayed at past faults or failings (or unpreparedness) of a friend, but is there right now, when they need a friend. Is there someone in your life’s path -- a family member, a friend, or just a neighbor -- who is going through a critical transition in their life and needs that love of neighbor, the prayers or just physical comfort of a friend by their side? Remember, this is one of only two great commandments. Perhaps if you can get this one right, the other may come easier.

Transitions in life may be critical, especially in older people, but they are especially troubling if these people feel alone. Don’t let them feel alone. If no one else prays for them, you must. Even if your neighbor is a total stranger like the one helped by the Good Samaritan, or the one seriously injured in the wreck in front of you, or the one dying in the house next door, you must.