Catholic Truth

I can’t tell you how many times I challenged a Catholic truth, how many times I verged on disbelief, or at least apathy. Perhaps it’s the workings of the Holy Spirit which won’t let me ignore these things that seem wrong to me; perhaps it’s just the curiosity of the mind I was blessed with. Regardless, I find I can’t stay apathetic to something I think is an error, and I can’t accept relativism. I have to seek out the truth.

And so I have dug a lot in the past, seeking the answer to the question: “Is the Catholic Church wrong, or am I?” I guess there’s one other blessing I have which I should mention: I’m blessed with a mindset which can accept the fact that I am sometimes wrong. My dad proved that to me many times as I was growing up. In believing I am correct on a matter, I am not irrationally stubborn in my thinking. Of course, though, I have to be PROVED wrong.

Sometimes I think I’m reluctant to just sit down and read Catholic truths. I read the Catechism of the Catholic Church and look at the footnotes. Truths stated, explained, and justified from Scripture --- but sometimes I still don’t get it: “That can’t be right,” I think. And so I can’t help myself, and I begin searching: Why is the Church teaching that? Sometimes I read encyclicals for deeper explanations; sometimes I read the writings of the Church fathers; sometimes I read the meditations of the saints --- men and women much holier AND SMARTER than I. What are they seeing as true that I cannot see?

I may have started blind, but I inevitably did see. For all the times I sought the REAL truth, I inevitably found it in the Church’s teachings, although sometimes it took me a long while. What the Church put succinctly for us to believe, I had to wade through the details, to follow the logic of the faith, the words, and the meanings of Jesus. And I always ended up admitting: I was wrong in my thinking. Even now, despite any doubts or lack of clarity as to “why” a teaching is true, I can accept it as so, based on the many times it has been proven to be. I think that is called “faith.”

As often as I proved myself wrong, I guess I could have doubted my reasoning ability, my wisdom, perhaps doubted my worth. Fortunately, there is another Catholic truth which I never had trouble believing, and which underpins my Catholic faith, and erases all my doubts in myself. The Church teaches: I am not a failure.

I, me in my very essence, my very being, am not a failure. God created me uniquely, and He was right in His creation. My essence is right, not some mistake, and if somehow I deviate from what I was created to be and my mind wanders in error or confusion, I can return to His path. It can never be said of me by anyone that I am a failure. That gives me great consolation in my wanderings. Within the Catholic Church are some wonderful tools to help me return to God’s path for me, should I ever get lost: the sacraments, holy sacraments, instituted by Jesus Himself, to make sure I can NEVER stray so far away that I cannot come back. I may get confused, but I am never lost. I am never a failure in the eyes of the Catholic Church, nor of Jesus. The sacrament of Penance can bring me back to Him, and the Eucharist even physically brings Him to me! My God, wanting and waiting to come to me! How great is that! He not only brings back the lost lambs, He brings back the pig-headed mules.

I am so very grateful I found the truths of the Catholic Church. Many very wise men have found them before me, and I am humbled to think I can follow in their footsteps. I, the challenging one, the sometimes apathetic believer, I am not a failure. As often as men lead me astray, confuse me with their logic, overwhelm my little mind, still there is help, there is grace, there is the Church to help guide me home.

When I pray, I pray: “Lord, I believe. Help me in my unbelief,” He answers my prayers.

I think all doubts I feel, and perhaps even you feel, about the truths of the Catholic Church come down to one simple question: Who should I believe? Should I believe the truths as I reason them while I search to understand the Church’s truth (I in my great wisdom of 60 years), or should I accept the truths as taught by the Catholic Church for 2000 years and the martyrs and the saints and even the words of its Founder? If my reasoning and the Church’s teaching are contradictory, even for a time, who should I believe while it is so? Am I able to reason better than any other man in the last 2000 years, that I would challenge the Church? Are you?

Who would you choose to believe? Think on that the next time you read about some enticing contrary “wisdom” by someone who is challenging the Catholic truth. In all my searching, I have never found the Catholic truth to be wrong, but rather a great stepping stone for me to find my way to heaven.

Late have I loved you, O Beauty, ever ancient, ever new, late have I loved you. You called, you shouted and you shattered my darkness. – Augustine.

Lord, I accept that you love me beyond anything I can understand. Who can know the mind of God? But, Lord, I do know myself. I know my mind; I see into my heart. So it is with an even greater wonder, that I also know that You deem worthy of Your love. You made me wonderful in ways I cannot ever perceive, so wonderful that You would sacrifice Your only Son, for me. You deem me worthy, regardless of my self-perceived failure.

Lord, I don’t understand how this can be. I look at the great sins I have done; I look at my tiny accomplishments. How can I be deemed worthy? Are Your standards that low?

Ah, but I am setting myself as judge here. Even someone I know so well as myself, I am not worthy to judge. You and only You are the judge of my worth. Only the Creator can say whether His creation is as he intended.

Lord, looking at all I have done, I’ll never understand how I could be worthy of your love. In my sight, I am not. But is not what I, but what You have done that makes me worthy. In your sight, I know that I am.

Praised be to You, Lord Jesus Christ, my creator, my judge, my Savior. Lord, I will never understand your love of me, but let me choose to act as if I do.