Virtue is an Attitude

You’ve got a bad attitude, young man.

I can still recall the nun saying that to a troublesome boy at the front of the classroom (no, it wasn’t me). At the time, it seemed a very correct statement, and a very precise one. It exactly stated what was wrong about the boy --- and he often expressed it by picking on other boys, talking in class, being sassy to the nuns, and not caring about his homework. In total, though, it was a good description, the fact that he had a bad attitude.

I don’t think we tend to describe things that way anymore. Besides not talking about anyone as being bad or good anymore (relativism holds sway), we don’t talk about some of the things which might help define us as bad or good: how we demonstrate virtues.

Virtues can’t be measured, although they can be seen in our actions. It’s hard to describe virtues in short, simple definitions. They’re not so much physical things which you describe and measure, as metaphysical things which you know. It’s hard to build virtues, as you might build a house, yet during our lives virtues must indeed be built up --- they’re how we grow in holiness.

From our earliest youth, our families begin building virtues in us. Faith was one of the earliest. As Scripture notes, a loving father will not give his hungry child a snake or a rock --- and the child knows this. The child early on develops a faith in his father, and knows that his father will give him what is good, and would sooner starve himself than let the child starve. At some point the child doesn’t even think on this anymore, he just has an attitude of knowing this, even if he could not prove it by any physical measures. It’s that attitude of faith, or any virtue, which makes us better men, better Christians. It has much to do with how we relate to one another, and to God.

Jesus spoke of it many times; He often noted the amazing faith of the people He cured. In fact, most often He noted that their faith was a pre-cursor to their cures; their faith saved them. I think Jesus was talking of this attitude of faith and other virtues when at the end of Matthew he described those who came to the wedding feast but He said: “I do not know you.” Those people may have appeared outwardly to those around them as if they were following Jesus, but He knew they were merely acting --- they did not follow Him in their hearts. They had no attitude of faith.

St. Monica’s feast day was yesterday. If you’ve read Augustine (her son)’s writings about her, you will see that she had an attitude of faith. She prayed for her son, over and over, never giving up. AND, she was confident that God would and was answering her prayers. Ask and you shall receive, but like the maidens with the lamps, before receiving you must prepare to receive first. Part of that preparation is development of an assumption or attitude that you WILL receive. The right fielder in the ball park wears a glove because he expects a ball will be hit his way, and he will catch it. He doesn’t go out to the field gloveless with an attitude that a ball “may” be hit his way, and then he’d borrow a glove from the center fielder. No, with that attitude he may drop the ball. The maiden with the lamp, the right fielder, and us --- we need to be prepared, to have the right attitude, and to expect things will come our way.

A friend and I were discussing virtues the other day. We touched on this growing in virtue and holiness and the general “attitude” which describes it. We could see a long-term growth in virtue, and the overt or subtle training behind it, best described by the attitudes which a father instills into his children (and which we can instill into our children). But as adults, what concrete actions can we take to grow more virtuous? How do we become more humble, more faith-filled, more hopeful, more loving, or more temperate? How do we make that happen? How do we become more loving to our wretched sister-in-law, for example, when she comes over and trashes her husband and kids --- and ours, and starts giving us advice on how to live our life? Just where do we start to change our attitude towards her (and sometimes, we wonder, why should we?)?

Cleanse your heart of evil, O Jerusalem
That you may be saved. (Jer 4)

Okay, after reading the above, we’re reminded of the answer to the “why” part but, again, how do we start to change? How do we grow our virtues?

I think it goes back to our earlier description of virtue; it is an attitude. Attitudes are feelings which are formed, and as children we saw that they were formed by repetition. Our father fed us over and over again, and we gained an attitude of faith in him and his love --- and that he’d continue to feed us. This developing of an attitude based repetition can be used by adults as well, but it will not be easy.

Remember in the father-child example, the father actually demonstrated HIS virtues to us, so that WE could grow in virtue. At the same time, our feedback to his repetitions helped reinforce (not start, but reinforce) his virtues. So, how can we grow our virtues, using our wretched sister-in-law, for example? We can grow our virtues by ASSUMING AN ATTITUDE of already having them. We can choose to react to her diatribes not with anger, but humility. We can choose to respond not sarcastically, but with charity. We can choose to have faith that God will not let the worse happen to us or her because of her bad attitudes, her lack of virtues. Our persistence in repeating our virtuous responses will result in our developing habits, good ones and a better attitude of virtue. And, perhaps with the grace of God, even she may grow in virtues as a result of our demonstrating it to her, and we may therefore get reinforcement of our growth. But it starts with us. It starts with our wanting and then deliberately, forcefully, repetitively, confidently, practicing virtues in our relationships with those around us. And not just to the worst people around us, as the sister-in-law example I used, but even to the best ones around us. Be virtuous even to those whom you don’t have to be nice to, and who have no expectations of your being nice to them, the grocery store clerk, the man passing you in the hallway, the operator on the phone.

Be deliberate in being “acting” virtuous to these people, and you will find that at some point you will no longer have to “act” virtuous, it will be your habit, it will be your attitude. Unlike the young CHILD who was acting out his lack of virtues, his bad attitude, to try and demonstrate his importance to the world, you’ll finding yourself acting as the ADULT, and one who is confident not only of his own importance, but that of everyone around him, all created in the image of God.

And you WILL be growing in virtue and in holiness. And you’ll never hear anyone say to you: “You’ve got a bad attitude.” (Or tell you to go stand in the corner.) ; - )